The Five *Should Be* Rules of Facebook

Wow, it's been a little while since I've updated this blog. Too many blogs to keep up with (and too much Bop It and Typing Maniac - my latest and greatest game obsessions). Anyways, I thought this was really blog-worthy. Today after work I thought this up, so here you have it...

The Five *Should Be* rules of Facebook (complete with examples)

1) Do not under any circumstance include your cervix in your status update. For example, you can say "I am so excited! I'm now 38 weeks pregnant!" But you cannot say, "I am 100% effaced and 1cm dilated! Wahoo!" Nope, girls. That's your cervix, and although we may be excited that your preggers, we most definitely do not want to know about your cervix. Most definitely.

2)No vague status updates allowed. For example, you cannot post simply "I'm so sad" or "I'm wondering when this will all be over." You can, however, finish your thought by posting "I'm so sad because I lost my job toady," or "I'm wondering when this long bout of rainy whether will be over." No one wants vague comments. We want details, and we don't want to fish for them. Vague comments = you are attention-seeking, and believe me, you do not want to be attention-seeking! (attention-seeking = Borderline Personality Disorder = you have issues) We obviously still care about you even if you do have issues (who doesn't have issues, really?), but I just don't want you to be unknowingly labeled.

3) One post in every five must be positive. Come on, we don't want to be depressed when we get on Facebook. Okay, I do realize life can be difficult, so if you are really struggling than it's okay to put a negative post every now and then. This rule mostly applies to those who feel it is their noble duty in life to post a negative article about Pres. Obama every freakin' day of the week. We get it - you're missing some brain cells and don't like the guy. But enough is enough, okay? Just because you eat sour grapes for breakfast every morning doesn't mean the rest of us want to share in your self-appointed misery. That darn glass can be half full if you let it, all right?

4) You are limited to only two (2) utterly excited status updates about any one upcoming vacation. We're so excited that you're going to (Paris, Hawaii, London, whatever the place may be), but we got it that you were excited, too, when you posted your first status update. We don't need a daily reminder, seriously. I mean really, that's just bordering on outright bragging, and nobody likes a bragger.

5) Do not tag your friends in embarassing pictures without first getting their permission. It's just not nice. You may still post the picture, but you cannot tag the person in it. That way if people find it, it's more of a coincidence and not completely your fault.


And as an ending note, I beat my high scores on Bop It and on Typing Maniac tonight! That's a good night (and that would also be an appropriate Facebook status update).